you are what you do.

I'm not waiting for January 1st to start on improvements and reach goals. Yes, like many others, we've enjoyed unforgettable moments, but dwell on the things we don't get to do. I'm a bit of a procrastinator when it comes to certain things in my life. I think it's more the safety of the known & what's comfortable, and that often leaves me feeling guilty. I sit & think I've achieved or done little with my time, and perhaps it's the time of the year that this vibe is in the air. Everyone wants change, improvement, a better new year. It's the time to start setting goals. We make the best intentions. We even start off great, feeling like it's all a piece of cake. So why do many fall off the wagon? Many reasons I guess. "I missed out on many things this year", I began telling myself, "like riding my bike even once. I didn't take that small family road trip I wanted to take Those!" Those two things are still on my list. See, I've decided that just because it's the end of 2011 & the start of a new year doesn't mean I should consider these things unaccomplished. Why should I continue on this mental guilt trip of considering myself a failure? I am in a way doing what a lot of people this time are doing, but I'm not waiting for a specific day, allowing time to indulge in the same comfort & then startling myself with sudden change. I've come to realize that if I want to change for the better of me, I have to start small. If it's a tiny step I must take, it doesn't matter. I'd rather start small than not start at all. I've sat down with my Chino. We've discussed our personal goals & our desires for our family. We both want to grow, individually & together with our little ones. I think that's best thing to come of this was not only our list, but the motivation & support. Slowly we've been making our small changes, transforming what we consider bad habits into good habits in order to move forward. We are definitely growing financially stable, taking our money more into consideration. We are being more patient with the girls which I think is very important because losing it just seems to create bad vibes for us & our home. On my own personal level, I've made my list of things I must do on my own. They are my own intimate longings, simple but powerful desires that will make me feel good & on a life high! I want to share the two I've started on so far. I decided to start on these two because they truly help mold the day I have. Usually, I would wait until last possible minute, after snoozing the alarm twice & found myself rushing the girls into their coats & out the door just in time to get Ada to school before she got a tardy note & hoping I wasn't eventually called in for my late arrivals to work. The ride to all our destinations were involving speedy driving, unfocused conversations & grumpiness on my behalf. I mentally slapped myself for not getting Ada to school on time to sit & enjoy breakfast with her friends. 

So, one of the habits I have begun to improve my mornings & be in the present feeling calm & grateful of my surroundings is to write. Yes, write. Just old fashioned hand with pen on paper. I read The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron some time ago, & was really intrigued by am exercise called Morning Pages. I've done them on & off for about a year & half, but lately decided I need to just let go of myself & free my thoughts. I find it comforting to release any sort of emotional burden I feel is weighing me down, or ultimately admitting to the negativity I feel & make me ashamed to experience. I find solutions to some dilemmas, & lately, I find a lot to be thankful for. I end my third page on high notes, no matter how sluggish, upset or blank I start. Not only do I find myself paying attention to how I feel on a daily basis, I also notice the way I express myself with my words & actions. 

The second habit is drinking lemon water first thing in the morning. It's only been a week since I've started, & I only drink about 6-8 ounces of hot water with 1/2 a lemon & a drop of honey. There are many reasons for doing this. You can find many articles on this, like this one.  When I first heard about this, I learned it was a form of detoxifying the body. The more I read about it, the more amazing benefits I find, even now that I have my little bun in the oven. It's great to drink even while expecting! I think the hot water right in the morning helps wake me up in a good mood. That first sip is a bit sour but the rest flows smoothly down my throat. I imagine all the beauty it's creating inside my body, flushing out yuckiness, & improving me health-wise. I glow.

So, to do these two things & still be able to peacefully get ready to start my day, I put my alarm for 6 a.m. Now, I've never been a morning person. Not even with the children around, but lately I've seen that this is the only quiet still time I have to be with myself & lay out my intentions for the day. When the alarm goes off, I press the off button. I lay on my back & open my eyes to the dark still engulfing my bedroom. A part of me wants to lay there just 10 more minutes, like always. But now, I think of the intentions I want, & the goodness I feel, & the stressful rushed mornings I've had before & that's enough to get me into my papasan chair next to our bay windows, hot lemon water in hand, my teal cover composition notebook & pen, ready to let go just before the sun rises. Having that release makes things better. My showers are satisfying, getting food ready, waking up my girls, talking on our ride to school, daycare & work, etc. It's somehow created a more intense bond between us. The positive energy is felt on many levels. We laugh more.

I wish the best for all of us trying to just be who we truly want to be, as harmoniously & genuinely as possible. I know that we can achieve the things we want our lives to be about, no matter how small or grand scale our goal may be. Lemons 10 for $1.00 make my day. That road trip is still in our hearts, no matter where we end up going, near or far. One of the most important things to know is that we should always be grateful in the now, for anything & everything we have, and that, I believe, will be the motivation to do & be a more loving, kind, patient, creative & better You & Me.