update.

This has kept me away & distracted for some time. A wonderful, amazing, shocking, tear-jerking surprise. We are almost six months into the journey, & to this day, there are moments when the reality of it all hits like all over again & this growing belly feels unreal to me.

There is a human being inside of me.

Bebe #3.

A completely unplanned life-changing event going on, & honestly, at first I wasn't thrilled. I feel bad saying this, or well, writing it so publicly. I feel like that makes me a horrible human being not worthy to be a mommy. I guess you could call me selfish when I thought about how all this would affect ME- my body, my time, my goals. I've noticed new tiny little stretch marks. My belly popped out a lot sooner than it did with Ada or Amelie. Morning sickness. Mood swings. I had no desire of becoming pregnant so soon, or even at all anymore. And now, here I am, six months into this completely unique journey. Things have slowly gotten comfortable. The queasiness went away, but not the mood swings. At times, I find myself uncontrollably upset. The world feels upside down. I get worried thinking about the future & whether I'm ready for a new life to raise & steer. I'm sure I'm not the only person out there feeling like this. As parents, these are the fears in everyday life. We wonder if we always do the right thing,  & when we feel we don't, we believe we are the worst people on earth. Truly, all we want is for our children to grow up & finding their happiness in their own special way. But, as a human being, when I think back on my life & my journey, I realize there are still a lot of things I want to accomplish. I'm not done in my journey to happiness. I ask myself what I want to do with my life, with my passions, & I want to have the time to do them & indulge in those pleasures so that I can grown into a better individual, partner, parent, etc. All that me Rosalia. It's a big internal conflict within me right now as to find a way to really figure out how I want to live my life without making my current experiences feel like obstacles but rather blessings. I remind myself all the time that I must be grateful that up until now, I will have three healthy children, capable of many beautiful things. I am healthy & I have a humble home for my family. I am lucky in many areas of my life. I thank the universe for that & I pray that I can keep that perspective strong so that I can receive & give twice as much to those I love & know.

Bebe #3 is a boy. Our first boy. We are naming him Amadeo Sol. We are happy for his presence. We wish him health & welcome him with much more than just love. We may not be the perfect family or parents, but we will try to be the best we can. And when we fail, we will acknowledge our faults & always live to be an inspiration for him, Ada, & Amelie. The Rojas-Gaspar famillia is growing. Life has a way of making you think you have control & then, BAM! You realize you really don't know what's around the corner. We must be happy that life's surprises are good surprises. Those are the best, no matter if they're big or small.