yet again.

Enjoying this along with beautiful breeze coming in through the open windows. 

hermanas.

They play, they laugh, they fight, & cry. They are sisters. & I'm a very lucky Mama. 

visiting the local museum.

This beauty is called "Mona Lupe". Sweet.

The Lil Buddha, holding on to Grandma & laughing out loud.

Had to do laundry today. With 3 kiddos always with us, we don't have much fun sticking around in the laundromat waiting, so we always dump the loads to wash, run an errand, return to dry everything, then leave again & pick up everything once it's all done. Today, we decided to head to Harrison Park to soak up some sun rays & fresh air. But before letting the munchkins run loose, I asked to visit the local & very lovely National Museum of Mexican Art. I love the energy of that place, & the art work always leaves me breathless. I'm always happy to visit that place. So today, I got to do something I like, the kids went to the park, we ate tacos, & the laundry is "nice & clean" as I like to say (to the kids). All in all, a wonderful day, full of color & sweet moments!

Namaste. 

lazy sunday.

A lazy rainy Sunday began, but the busyness come later in the afternoon. I like my days off to start off slow. I sleep in, enjoy the fluffy comfort of my warm bed. The kids are late sleepers, so that's a plus for me. It allows me some time to start my day, make breakfast, hang out & take my sweet time. Wishing a nice Sunday, however you enjoy spending it. Here's a song from what I've sang to in my car! ;) I hope they come to Chicago soon!

white.

The snow rarely made its presence known this winter in Chicago, but we were able to catch a glimpse of it a couple of weeks ago at Grandma's house.

Beautiful, isn't it? 

buddha (part 2).

Mosaics, shoes, murals of butterflies (Abuela Natividad), & Buddha.

domingo.

This morning, I dedicate some time to my Abuela Natividad, who recently passed away. She was 92 years old, & the last time I saw her was 10 years ago. I was 17, & I had a red 12-inch mohawk. Abuela still had her sight back then, so that was the last image she had of me. We talked over the phone a handful of times throughout the years, but her memory began to fade, & at some points, I wasn't sure she remembered who I was. She always sent us her blessing, though. 

She left Mother Earth peacefully. That's a comfort to the entire family that took care of her in many ways during these last few years. It feels nice to know she's finally at peace, reunited with my Abuelo Felix. My mother mentions that during her wake, a white butterfly entered the house, fluttering around the family and the entrance, landing on Abuela's casket. It rested for a second, and took it's time flying back outside again, as if taking in the moment, & perhaps assuring the family that everything was alright. Abuela Natividad is happy. 

The connections of mother & child are reflected to me this bright Sunday morning. I place the pink carnations Ada gave me on Valentine's next to Abuela's picture. We light a votive candle at night. Her picture sits on our book shelf in the living room along with a picture of my mother & me when I was 3, and Ada's 3rd grade school picture. Seeing these images together makes the bond more evident & stronger. The Love grows stronger. We get closer, and moments with family are cherished. Generations of women together across of 2 feet of birchwood. We are one & the same in many ways. We each have our own story, woven together. Natividad, Maria Del Carmen, Rosalia, Maria De La Luz, Ada, Amelie.

buddha.

Buddha head is hanging around in the neighborhood, about a block & 1/2  from where I live. We made a quick visit for Valentine's Day, but the day turned out to be colder than expected. We were unprepared, and headed out of the house without gloves or a thick blanket for Amadeo's stroller. We left the Butterfly Garden where Buddha temporarily dwells with numb fingertips and toes.

I plan on making my sweet friend another visit this coming week. It's nice to have him so close. I don't plan on saying much to him. I only look forward to his company & the time we'll spend in silence.

Check out www.tenthousandripples.com for the story behind this beautiful white Buddha head. 

renegade.

Amadeo's stinky quesito... 

A juicy & yummy peach from Pilsen Community Market earlier that morning. 

This past weekend was the Renegade Craft Fair in Chicago. The weather was great, and the crowds were big. We made a day of it con la familia & headed to the Pilsen Community Market for some fruit, zucchini bread, & vegetarian chili before heading to the fair. The sun was a bit overwhelming after a while. We didn't have much money to get things we liked, but mostly everyone in their posts had a business card, so we took them so we could look online with calm. This last pic was fun. Ada & Chino didn't want to pose. Chino was hot & uncomfortable, and Ada was hungry. Next year, I might have the kiddos hang out with Grandma & Grandpa so we can take out time, & have, Emiliano & I. And, I'll save up some $$$, too! 

Life is good.

Summer's almost over, but the days are still warm & sunny. We are still sweaty & sticky at the end of the day. The little ones sleep in undershirts & diapers. 

I've disappeared for a while, abandoned my special space here, so I apologize for that. It's been a good summer though! There have many positives in our lives. I'm finally working on my photography, editing, getting myself out there, and it feels so good! I just took my leap of faith in life, toward the things I love, & I don't regret it what so ever. I feel like I'm shining. There's a lot more smiling & moments of gratitude going on. 

I leave you with this image, a moment of reflection for our friend, Mr. Bird, and us. 

Life is good. 

Amadeo K'iin ~ un mes.

Meet Amadeo K'iin Rojas-Gaspar. He was born April 8th, 2012 at 7:42 a.m. through an amazing water birth! I can't explain how beautiful & perfect it all was. All throughout my journey I feared what happened to be the most unique experience. Each baby has been it's own story, but the fact that this was my last birth made it all more special. I can't imagine Life without my handsome little guy. He's definitely a mama's boy. I never want to leave.

Amadeo will be 2 months soon, but this is him at 1 month of age. I can't get over what a peaceful person he is, & his eyes have a story to tell. He observes his world very calmly yet with wisdom, I feel. Every day, he grows stronger, his personality is slowly coming out. We can tell he's ticklish, he giggles all the time in his sleep, this boy can eat, he loves skin to skin contact, and being around mama. We all love Amadeo very much. 

a foggy girls' night out.

We waited an hour in this waiting room. The rain poured all around us while we sat there, tummies growling.

Ada ended up falling asleep for a bit, not in the best of moods.

My bff, Ruby, took Ada, my sister Luch & me to the Chicago Diner for some yummy vegan food as a pre-baby girls' night celebration. The ride there was cool as we rode surrounded by intense fog that night. I ate a delicious seitan gyro & a vanilla chai shake. I like these outings. I look forward to them every time.

feliz cumpleaños Ada.

Ada turned 8 years old this March. The day was not as planned, but sometimes those are the best. What we thought would be a small family dinner at the Rainforest Cafe ended up being much better. We didn't get to eat there, but Ada got all her requests fulfilled that day- the cute tank top from Aunt Pelo, that firework dessert thing at the restaurant, cool balloons at school, & a super yummy blue bread, green frosting cake with cream cheese on the bottom from her Aunt Luch (which we all devoured). All in all, my silly girl had fun & was given much love.

Resting & restoring.

This morning, Amélie still sleeps. The humidifier still hums next to me while I sit in bed in the most comfy positions I can be in these days. It's been a weekend of runny noses, bed rest, achy heads, and to top it off, a wisdom toothache that's made the left side of my face swollen. The swelling is not as bad as I make it out be, but it's painful. I have a dentist appointment in the afternoon. Until then, I've been using saltwater, lemon with baking soda, & sleep to pass the time.
Our bedroom smells of Eucalyptus oil. It helps my bebe & me breathe better. Amélie, although I'll as we'll, has a very good attitude. She's not as active as usual, but her appetite is still good, & she hasn't given me hardly any trouble. We rest together & cuddle in front of the television watching Qubo.
I was able to make week 3 of my photo class on Saturday, but right after, came crashing down with congestion. I missed a family reunion full of yummy food. I missed my stop motion with Shannon. I missed work this morning. This is not the most positive of posts, but well, this is what's going on at home. I've got a nice hot shower in mind & some warm oatmeal for breakfast in mind. It's nice to spend the morning like this- slowly taking my time, resting, & just taking time to write.
We'll see what the dentist recommends. I'm still in my 3rd trimester, so I'm not sure how that will affect anything, but I'm not fond of teeth extractions. There's a lot to look forward to this week. I want to feel better for it all. I'm wishing everyone a healthy & productive week full of creativity.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Fin de semana.

It’s been a while since we spent a weekend over at mom’s house. It’s ALWAYS a full house there, for as long as I could remember. I went to my first digital photography 101 class this past Saturday (more about that later), & afterwards, headed to Ita Carmen’s with Amelie & a bag full of pajamas, mint chocolate chips & a handmade lens created out of cardboard & a can. Weekends like this are usually very chill. We put on out pajamas & stay up late, even the little ones. We ordered a ½ spinach with ricotta, ½ Hawaiian pizza. We played Loteria. We put on clay facial masks. We made homemade mint thins melting the chocolate chips & dipping Ritz crackers in it. We messed around with the iPad, bopping our heads to Gotye & swooned over the new case Emi & I got for it. We tried out the handmade lens my photography teacher, Matt, made for class & let me keep so that I could show Ada. She was too distracted with her computer games to really check it out, though. Amelie was her silly self, making a mess all over with toys & fighting with my sister’s pup, Dexter, who loves to follow her around when she has food.










The next morning, we ate carnitas & eggs, drank coffee & ate pan dulce, chatted a while with the family at the kitchen table. The kids ran around all over the place, with choo-choo trains & plush pandas. We finally got dressed in the afternoon & headed for some quick shopping with my sister. The kids took their afternoon nap during that time & Ita Carmen babysat, so it was nice to have the time to ourselves. It’s been very busy lately, so it was so sweet to have a weekend like this. My mom’s home holds many unforgettable treasures.

Growing up with siblings ranging from ages 21 to newborn, there was always a lot going on. Home was loud, alive & busy. Family life holds memories of lots of food, our play rooms, summers on bikes, and winters in the snow. We had a dining room table full of arts & crafts we worked on with mom, records & acoustic guitar serenades that were played at random hours by dad, and I was guilty of snooping into my brother’s Ralph’s cd collection many times. Sometimes he would get angry, but mostly I was lucky to have him let me keep some of the albums I really liked. Prince, Madonna, Radiohead blasted from inside my bedroom.

As we got older & my brothers moved out to school or began their family, there was a bit of distance due to teenage years & outside influences. But mom’s house was the place where all our friends came to hang out. The addition of grandkids, the next generation, was the start of new life at Grandma’s. These days, there are many birthday parties, & though we are all in different points of our lives, the times when we all come together at Mom’s is enjoyed very much. Mom’s house will forever remain loud, alive & busy.

you are what you do.

I'm not waiting for January 1st to start on improvements and reach goals. Yes, like many others, we've enjoyed unforgettable moments, but dwell on the things we don't get to do. I'm a bit of a procrastinator when it comes to certain things in my life. I think it's more the safety of the known & what's comfortable, and that often leaves me feeling guilty. I sit & think I've achieved or done little with my time, and perhaps it's the time of the year that this vibe is in the air. Everyone wants change, improvement, a better new year. It's the time to start setting goals. We make the best intentions. We even start off great, feeling like it's all a piece of cake. So why do many fall off the wagon? Many reasons I guess. "I missed out on many things this year", I began telling myself, "like riding my bike even once. I didn't take that small family road trip I wanted to take Those!" Those two things are still on my list. See, I've decided that just because it's the end of 2011 & the start of a new year doesn't mean I should consider these things unaccomplished. Why should I continue on this mental guilt trip of considering myself a failure? I am in a way doing what a lot of people this time are doing, but I'm not waiting for a specific day, allowing time to indulge in the same comfort & then startling myself with sudden change. I've come to realize that if I want to change for the better of me, I have to start small. If it's a tiny step I must take, it doesn't matter. I'd rather start small than not start at all. I've sat down with my Chino. We've discussed our personal goals & our desires for our family. We both want to grow, individually & together with our little ones. I think that's best thing to come of this was not only our list, but the motivation & support. Slowly we've been making our small changes, transforming what we consider bad habits into good habits in order to move forward. We are definitely growing financially stable, taking our money more into consideration. We are being more patient with the girls which I think is very important because losing it just seems to create bad vibes for us & our home. On my own personal level, I've made my list of things I must do on my own. They are my own intimate longings, simple but powerful desires that will make me feel good & on a life high! I want to share the two I've started on so far. I decided to start on these two because they truly help mold the day I have. Usually, I would wait until last possible minute, after snoozing the alarm twice & found myself rushing the girls into their coats & out the door just in time to get Ada to school before she got a tardy note & hoping I wasn't eventually called in for my late arrivals to work. The ride to all our destinations were involving speedy driving, unfocused conversations & grumpiness on my behalf. I mentally slapped myself for not getting Ada to school on time to sit & enjoy breakfast with her friends. 

So, one of the habits I have begun to improve my mornings & be in the present feeling calm & grateful of my surroundings is to write. Yes, write. Just old fashioned hand with pen on paper. I read The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron some time ago, & was really intrigued by am exercise called Morning Pages. I've done them on & off for about a year & half, but lately decided I need to just let go of myself & free my thoughts. I find it comforting to release any sort of emotional burden I feel is weighing me down, or ultimately admitting to the negativity I feel & make me ashamed to experience. I find solutions to some dilemmas, & lately, I find a lot to be thankful for. I end my third page on high notes, no matter how sluggish, upset or blank I start. Not only do I find myself paying attention to how I feel on a daily basis, I also notice the way I express myself with my words & actions. 

The second habit is drinking lemon water first thing in the morning. It's only been a week since I've started, & I only drink about 6-8 ounces of hot water with 1/2 a lemon & a drop of honey. There are many reasons for doing this. You can find many articles on this, like this one.  When I first heard about this, I learned it was a form of detoxifying the body. The more I read about it, the more amazing benefits I find, even now that I have my little bun in the oven. It's great to drink even while expecting! I think the hot water right in the morning helps wake me up in a good mood. That first sip is a bit sour but the rest flows smoothly down my throat. I imagine all the beauty it's creating inside my body, flushing out yuckiness, & improving me health-wise. I glow.

So, to do these two things & still be able to peacefully get ready to start my day, I put my alarm for 6 a.m. Now, I've never been a morning person. Not even with the children around, but lately I've seen that this is the only quiet still time I have to be with myself & lay out my intentions for the day. When the alarm goes off, I press the off button. I lay on my back & open my eyes to the dark still engulfing my bedroom. A part of me wants to lay there just 10 more minutes, like always. But now, I think of the intentions I want, & the goodness I feel, & the stressful rushed mornings I've had before & that's enough to get me into my papasan chair next to our bay windows, hot lemon water in hand, my teal cover composition notebook & pen, ready to let go just before the sun rises. Having that release makes things better. My showers are satisfying, getting food ready, waking up my girls, talking on our ride to school, daycare & work, etc. It's somehow created a more intense bond between us. The positive energy is felt on many levels. We laugh more.

I wish the best for all of us trying to just be who we truly want to be, as harmoniously & genuinely as possible. I know that we can achieve the things we want our lives to be about, no matter how small or grand scale our goal may be. Lemons 10 for $1.00 make my day. That road trip is still in our hearts, no matter where we end up going, near or far. One of the most important things to know is that we should always be grateful in the now, for anything & everything we have, and that, I believe, will be the motivation to do & be a more loving, kind, patient, creative & better You & Me. 

update.

This has kept me away & distracted for some time. A wonderful, amazing, shocking, tear-jerking surprise. We are almost six months into the journey, & to this day, there are moments when the reality of it all hits like all over again & this growing belly feels unreal to me.

There is a human being inside of me.

Bebe #3.

A completely unplanned life-changing event going on, & honestly, at first I wasn't thrilled. I feel bad saying this, or well, writing it so publicly. I feel like that makes me a horrible human being not worthy to be a mommy. I guess you could call me selfish when I thought about how all this would affect ME- my body, my time, my goals. I've noticed new tiny little stretch marks. My belly popped out a lot sooner than it did with Ada or Amelie. Morning sickness. Mood swings. I had no desire of becoming pregnant so soon, or even at all anymore. And now, here I am, six months into this completely unique journey. Things have slowly gotten comfortable. The queasiness went away, but not the mood swings. At times, I find myself uncontrollably upset. The world feels upside down. I get worried thinking about the future & whether I'm ready for a new life to raise & steer. I'm sure I'm not the only person out there feeling like this. As parents, these are the fears in everyday life. We wonder if we always do the right thing,  & when we feel we don't, we believe we are the worst people on earth. Truly, all we want is for our children to grow up & finding their happiness in their own special way. But, as a human being, when I think back on my life & my journey, I realize there are still a lot of things I want to accomplish. I'm not done in my journey to happiness. I ask myself what I want to do with my life, with my passions, & I want to have the time to do them & indulge in those pleasures so that I can grown into a better individual, partner, parent, etc. All that me Rosalia. It's a big internal conflict within me right now as to find a way to really figure out how I want to live my life without making my current experiences feel like obstacles but rather blessings. I remind myself all the time that I must be grateful that up until now, I will have three healthy children, capable of many beautiful things. I am healthy & I have a humble home for my family. I am lucky in many areas of my life. I thank the universe for that & I pray that I can keep that perspective strong so that I can receive & give twice as much to those I love & know.

Bebe #3 is a boy. Our first boy. We are naming him Amadeo Sol. We are happy for his presence. We wish him health & welcome him with much more than just love. We may not be the perfect family or parents, but we will try to be the best we can. And when we fail, we will acknowledge our faults & always live to be an inspiration for him, Ada, & Amelie. The Rojas-Gaspar famillia is growing. Life has a way of making you think you have control & then, BAM! You realize you really don't know what's around the corner. We must be happy that life's surprises are good surprises. Those are the best, no matter if they're big or small.