t.g.i.f.?

There's no picture tonight. My lovely Canon has patiently been waiting for me to play with her & give her some much quality love. I owe not just her, but myself some major creative release. It's been a while since I've let the juices flow. Although I know I have a lot on my plate right now, deep inside I feel that shouldn't be my excuse to not do what I love, more over, desire immensely. Emotionally, I feel so heavy because any situation these days feel so overwhelming, and tonight was no exception. What started out as a, "Whoo-hoo, it's Friday" surge has now plummeted to, "I'm pooped. I want to be alone!" The girls are finally in Morpheus' arms & they tested my patience with in these few hours this evening- Ada with her sudden request to have a full blown out costume birthday party with all the kids imaginable from school (her birthday isn't until March, but she wants it now!) & Amelie with her crying for no reason while refusing to eat dinner. I had my hands full. I tried playing with blocks, but Amelie decided it was more fun to fling them across the room or destroy anything I attempted to build with her. I bugged her into eating & reheated her dinner two times before she left me satisfied. Ada asked for me to sit & help her fold about 30 sheets for invites, with I resisted- ok, I helped with the last 5. "I'm such a bad mom! I don't want to help my child." I felt bad, but it's just that all the while, I thought about writing, letting loose with my thoughts, & opening my art journal that I started a year ago & have not touched since. I craved some ME time all today. Just a while! Enough to release stress & catch up on things that interest me. Is that too much to ask for?! It's feel like it is lately. Sometimes, I just blame the hormones, but this battle with focusing on my creativity has been going longer than that. I can't fool myself. The frustration is taking a toll on me in forms that I'm sure my Chino notices. I stare blankly into space, with a frown. I lose my patience. I feel tense a lot of the time. Agh! I'm finally realizing that I'm 27years old, and I'm not thinking I'm old, trust me! The things is that although I don't look my age, that number to me now looms largely over the question of what I've done creatively this whole time. I have experience in many things, but not enough to feel I have to the right to be an expert. Perhaps that's the problem. I don't give myself the credit that produces the motivation/inspiration to move out of this slump. I need that push! I also need time & support from my loved ones. I need the assurance that I'm doing a good thing & they believe in me by really being there for me in any way possible. I'm not in a position to do as I please when I please. I have responsibilities, but having people there to tell me, "let the dishes sit there & crochet the blanket you wanted t make/do your yoga/work on your photography" is a big help. 

*sigh*

So, now that the quietness surrounds me, the only noise comes from my fingers as they type away on these black keys & the soft hissing of the cars that pass my home, unaware of the venting going on in that 2nd floor apartment on 18th st. My art journal was taken out of the shelf where it's laid this whole time. It waits for me on my sofa. Lucky for me, Ada left all the color pencils with reach. ;)