t.g.i.f.?

There's no picture tonight. My lovely Canon has patiently been waiting for me to play with her & give her some much quality love. I owe not just her, but myself some major creative release. It's been a while since I've let the juices flow. Although I know I have a lot on my plate right now, deep inside I feel that shouldn't be my excuse to not do what I love, more over, desire immensely. Emotionally, I feel so heavy because any situation these days feel so overwhelming, and tonight was no exception. What started out as a, "Whoo-hoo, it's Friday" surge has now plummeted to, "I'm pooped. I want to be alone!" The girls are finally in Morpheus' arms & they tested my patience with in these few hours this evening- Ada with her sudden request to have a full blown out costume birthday party with all the kids imaginable from school (her birthday isn't until March, but she wants it now!) & Amelie with her crying for no reason while refusing to eat dinner. I had my hands full. I tried playing with blocks, but Amelie decided it was more fun to fling them across the room or destroy anything I attempted to build with her. I bugged her into eating & reheated her dinner two times before she left me satisfied. Ada asked for me to sit & help her fold about 30 sheets for invites, with I resisted- ok, I helped with the last 5. "I'm such a bad mom! I don't want to help my child." I felt bad, but it's just that all the while, I thought about writing, letting loose with my thoughts, & opening my art journal that I started a year ago & have not touched since. I craved some ME time all today. Just a while! Enough to release stress & catch up on things that interest me. Is that too much to ask for?! It's feel like it is lately. Sometimes, I just blame the hormones, but this battle with focusing on my creativity has been going longer than that. I can't fool myself. The frustration is taking a toll on me in forms that I'm sure my Chino notices. I stare blankly into space, with a frown. I lose my patience. I feel tense a lot of the time. Agh! I'm finally realizing that I'm 27years old, and I'm not thinking I'm old, trust me! The things is that although I don't look my age, that number to me now looms largely over the question of what I've done creatively this whole time. I have experience in many things, but not enough to feel I have to the right to be an expert. Perhaps that's the problem. I don't give myself the credit that produces the motivation/inspiration to move out of this slump. I need that push! I also need time & support from my loved ones. I need the assurance that I'm doing a good thing & they believe in me by really being there for me in any way possible. I'm not in a position to do as I please when I please. I have responsibilities, but having people there to tell me, "let the dishes sit there & crochet the blanket you wanted t make/do your yoga/work on your photography" is a big help. 

*sigh*

So, now that the quietness surrounds me, the only noise comes from my fingers as they type away on these black keys & the soft hissing of the cars that pass my home, unaware of the venting going on in that 2nd floor apartment on 18th st. My art journal was taken out of the shelf where it's laid this whole time. It waits for me on my sofa. Lucky for me, Ada left all the color pencils with reach. ;)

cumpleaños.

October 5th (yesterday) was my 27th birthday. So far, it's been one the best ones yet! All the energy & love I received is still with me today & I hope it follows me throughout this new year. I decided on a low-key birthday this year. What mattered to me most was spending the day with the ones I love most. My Chino treated me to brunch at Gaudi Cafe, where I ordered the largest decaf coffee I've ever drank. We ate cream of carrot soup, a salmon wrap with aioli sauce, & the Juanita wrap with fries. I indulged in the amazing croquetas de pollo with chipotle sauce I order every time I can! Anyone who gets chance to check this place, please do so. Even if you order a small soup, trust me, you will not be disappointed. 

After we stuffed our bellies, I asked to check the day of the dead exhibit at the National Museum of Mexican Art. It was nice to walk around with my Chino & discuss art & point what caught our eye & why. There's was so much beautiful photography & information I gathered from our Mexican tradition. It makes me want to create an altar at home with Ada. 

And, as if we hadn't stuffed our bellies enough, my lil brother, Manolo, took the family out for yummy pizza at Home Run Inn. Garlic bread, strawberry pecan salad, Hawaiian pizza... enough said. Cake & jello barely made it that night. I went to bed hap, hap, happy! :)

~*~

It's been a while since I last posted. I'm obviously still a novice at this, & it's been hard to set a day or time for blogging. It sucks because there's so much to share with the world & I desire that very much. I hope that the recent things in life right now make their way here. I like this time to share, but also to be with my thoughts & watch them unfold into words before my eyes. Afterwards, I can go back & recall those moments again because I took the time to put down. Ever since I was a preteen, I journaled. It's been my meditation since as long as I could remember, & has always been in me to do for myself. I think I especially owe that time to myself these days.  

beautiful.

Tejer & poder teens.

There are many festivals going on in Chicago during this summer. Too many to go to! I'm checking them out & seeing which are free. Frugality is a must these days. The family is setting goals for this year. It's a slow but definite process & I know soon we'll be reaping all the amazing benefits from this focus!!! It's a very exciting time in our life as a familia.

This past weekend was slow & lazy, beautifully spent with no plans. I went out for a walk late Sunday evening & this knit graffiti covers my neighborhood! Makes me smile & feel lucky to be living in such creative surroundings. I want to be a part of this environment. I want to enjoy my neighborhood & my neighbors, get involved in the talent & put my share out there. Soon enough!

It's a yummy summer so far. This week, we'll be in the 90's!!! Stickiness & sweat I don't like, but mama sun's warmth & skirts I love. It's a good time. We enjoy aguas frescas, paletas & fresh fruit among many other beautiful things...

soaking.

I've been enjoying my summer & spending my time doing things I really enjoy. Like sleeping in, reading, cooking, eating yummy food, hanging out with friends I haven't seen in forever, drinking, dates with Emiliano, concerts, soaking in the sun, wearing skirts, drinking cold tea, BBQ's, airplane rides (for Ada), fevers & teething (for Amelie), checking out art, going for evening walks, yoga, losing the baby belly (finally)... 

I haven't been so great about blogging. Internet at work got restricted to the most minimal access so that's an adjustment. When I come home, I only check e-mail & scan things a bit before tending to daily life. It's been nice, but I also miss the time here. My "I Like" has been neglected. Pobrecita! I will add to her soon. Pamper her up! 

It's been a memorable weekend so far. Lots of beautiful moments to be grateful for. I know for sure that when I ask & I believe, I receive. Very purely. I hope everyone has a great Sunday. 

I recently saw Carla Morrison, so here's a sweet video I took. Not great quality, but this song is her most popular. Enjoy!

Carla Morrison @ The Darkroom from rosalia gaspar on Vimeo.

Cafe Gaudi.

It's been a while since we feasted at Cafe Gaudi. Everything on the menu sounds so good, I'm determined to try everything on there at least once! The croquetas de queso de cabra are on my list! After some cream of spinach soup for Amelie, crunchy french toast for Ada, enfrijoladas for Emiliano & a salmon wrap for me, our full bellies left satisfied. It was a nice spontaneous moment with the family. It made us not mind being out on such a rainy, frizzy hair kind of day. 

busy.

Didn't get a chance to post last Friday's I Like List. It's been a blur of events going on right now. With Emiliano having shows & working, Amelie starting daycare & Ada getting ready to go to Disney World in two weeks, I decided to take a good long weekend for myself. I hung out with my sister & put on this facial mask. Try it! It's the most amazing thing ever. My sister & are hooked. 

My little Sol is sick with intense congestion. I think the worst is over as far as the cold. Last week, she got signed up for daycare. It was a tough but  good choice as well because our it will give her time with other kids. She's gotten very attached to me, though, & was not at all happy they first two days there. Luckily, things are going a lot smoother. 

 

It's a busy week. I wish I could work closer to home, so I could ride my bike & be in the neighborhood. I'm really focusing on what I want in my life & making it come true. I'm making a list of goals, but I'll save more on that for another post. Right now, I'm off to grocery shop & clean my home. I'm getting rid of a LOT of things.

the "i like" list- recipes.

This week has been all about food for me. I thought my last pregnancy had my cravings running on full speed & that once bebe Amelie Sol was born, the obsession would disappear or at least slow down. But noooo! It's been evolving... growing... & pretty much convincing me that culinary is the way to go as far as going back to school!

I LOVE FOOD.

I'm starting to try new things. My confidence in the kitchen has increased & I find myself making my own simple creations. I wake up trying to decide what to make for dinner. I go to sleep craving my breakfast. Haha, sometimes, I wonder if it's ok to think about food the way I do. There's peacefulness in cooking & touching food, connecting with it & knowing that what my family & consume is healthy & made with lots of thoughtfulness & love.

The recipes & links I'm sharing this Friday are a reflection of the style of cooking that I enjoy. I experiment & am attracted to minimalistic & the most naturally simple dishes. The ingredients are no more than 5 or 6 things. However, there are those few recipes that require some time & more than a couple ingredients, but definitely worth it!

~.~

Brown Rice & Almond Tabbouleh



(image from stonesoup free e-cookbook)



I craved this for a while & just finished buying the red onion to make it this weekend. I can't wait! Jules from Stonesoup has a great blog. I get her e-mails, & this is one of the many recipes I've tried & fallen head over heels for. In my personal opinion (& from experience), I would make this & eat it the next day, or even the second, to let the lemon juice become soaked up real nice! Mmm... just thinking about it makes my mouth water.

***

Black Bean Salad with Feta and Red Peppers



(image by http://ghettogalley.com/)

This recipe is originally from The Vegetarian 5-Ingredient Gourmet by Nava Atlas. I own this cookbook & had recently lost it in our apartment move. Last night, I found it in a bag my mama gave me with random things we had left while we stayed. Anyway, back to the recipe! It's yummy, goes well with scrambled eggs & requires no cooking if you use canned beans. Very simple to make!

***

Benny's Jicama Salsa



(image by MyCakies)

My mama & tried this refreshing salsa to Ada's Multicultural Night at her school & it was a hit! We had to end up printing copies of the recipe to give out to moms. So, Ruby Ellen & her Benny, thanks for sharing this treat with me & everyone. The summer's here, & this yummy salsa by MyCakies blog will be making frequent appearances at bbq's!

***

Spring Salad with New Potatoes



(image by http://www.smittenkitchen.com/)

I'll be trying this recipe in the next days. Full of in-season veggies, this spring salad is calling my name. Smitten Kitchen food does require some time & a bit more ingredients than I'm used to, but it's definitely worth the effort. I just bought fingerling potatoes from Costco for the first time some days ago, so as soon as I make, I'll update my post on this!

***

Flan de Guayaba & Queso (Guava Cheese Flan)



(image by Erica)

My brother Rafael has a birthday coming up. Lucky him! The surprise that awaits him! Shhh! He doesn't know I'm making this for him, so it's our little secret. But, I do usually make him a treat for friends & family to eat during cake time. I'm sure everyone will love it. I'm certain I will. I got the recipe from here. It will be my first time making flan. Hopefully, all goes smooth!

~.~

Enjoy these delicias.

I'm off to a sweet weekend with the loved ones. Laundry & a jog with my sister this afternoon. Soccer game at Toyota Park with Ada on Saturday. I'm making curtains with Emiliano's mama, Elia, so I'll be having ME time with my sewing machine. Sweet weekend to you, too!







cuna.

This is where Amelie takes her naps & sleeps at night. The crib is low, not like other cribs I've ever seen. It's vintage, in an off white color I'm not sure I like or dislike, but it's all wood so it's very sturdy & in good condition. I would like to sand it down & paint it in a wild teal. For now, this orange comforter we got at the thrift is the oomph! of color here & the perfect size for the cuna! Every time I see it, I think it was meant just for our bebe Sol, as it has little suns as the pattern. She doesn't play much here. Hungry catepillar & muñeco are more like her sleeping companions.

the "i like" list - blogs.

Today is Friday. It's dead at work, and my concentration to focus on anything work related is nonexistent. So, as I sit here thinking about what I'd like to do instead with my time, I go online to travel the world checking some of my favorite blogs! I have just a few sites I check out daily, perhaps less than the amount of fingers on both my hands (& yes, I have 10 fingers). I feel like a stalker thinking about how I log in everyday in hopes of stimulation. It's become a habit, an addiction already, and part of the morning routine along with my coffee. Mmm...

I want to open up more about myself and get passed the feet wetting of the blog pool. I want to dive in & swim along with others, to share & hope that others will like what they see & find a connection. So, I will begin a list that I will post every Friday. A list of the week of what I enjoy & share with you. There are thousands of things going on every moment- ideas, feelings, trends, art, life, music, etc., & my intention is to break it down into a weekly post. Maybe someone out there will make this as part of their morning routine along with their coffee... so, sit back & enjoy!

My first list is of the blogs I absolutely, undoubtedly love to read! I scan every sinlge word & examine each beautiful photograph shared by these talented human beings. Don't freak! I'm not looney about it. I just feel motivated & inspred by the creativity and uniqueness of each life. I always leave smiling or finding a connection with something said & shared.  

~.~

The 1st blog I want to divvy up is My Cakies which belongs to the muy bonita RubyEllen! MyCakies is such a colorful world! This familia is one of my favorites to catch a glimpse of, from their love for vintage and art projects to their normal everyday life & thoughts. RubyEllen is a sweetheart & super friendly. If you want to see another full-time mama make it happen, check her out! And her Etsy!

Ryan & Cole from Pacing the Panic Room make me want my own house. They also make me wish I was their neighbor. I'd come over with some green tea lemonade & let the kids play together. This family definitely thinks of one another & are honest & passionate people. One of my favorite posts of all time is the Football Vagina one... yes, please read it.

Design for Mankind by Erin is yummy full of art & great links on fashion, accesories & websites. I always take a look at her recommendations. I've also had the priveledge to see a link I sent as one of her posts ( see Maria Gaspar, my cousin)! Erin is super down to earth, simple and funny. She's got a great sense of humor that shines in her writing. She also has great taste and an awesome home that her & her hubbie built. A true labor of love!

Benita & Willie! Super mama & strong woman! Benita from Chez Larrson can do it all! She truly can. The simplistic detail in her writing and her love for white definitely connect with me. Her  & her son Willie are recently sharing their house move & renovation. Her great style & DIY-ness make me want to go home and get into serious organization mode. I'm not the tidiest of people. Read about her new house!

Meet Me at Mike's is fun! Pip is fun! Full of energy! Great taste. Beautiful family. Knitting, knitting, knitting. Music. Books. Food. She also has a good heart. It shows in her writing & in the things she loves. Her blog is so diverse & interacting. I haven't written a comment, I confess, but I'm sure I will sooner than later. She ahs 2 books out, see then here.

Last, but definitely not least is Geninne's Art Blog. Her artwork is amazing, & so is her son Daniel's. She lives in geogeous Mexico & her art portrays that with its vivid colors, breathtaking photographs & home. I always look forward to her monthly computer backgrounds with much anticipation! I think you will, too, once you take a look!

~.~

I'm going to enjoy my Friday with la Familia. We're taking my papa out for his 66th birthday! I can't wait to stuff my belly with yummy food & spend my time with my loved ones. I hope everyone has a great weekend.

milk teeth & a lesson.

Ada's 1st milk tooth has fallen out & she is one proud big girl showing off an adorable smile! She reminds me so much of my silly self when I was a child. It makes me happy to rekindle those memories & remember what it was like growing up. The fairy godmother is very generous these days- she gave Ada five big buckaroos! 

This week, Ada taught me an important lesson this week. My mother found a knitted headband at Ada's school (Namaste Charter School). It was purple with pink glittery detail & she decided to take it for Ada. When I gave the headband to Ada, she immediately lit up & fixed the it on her head. She walked proudly around Chinatown with it, dancing & looking oh, so pretty. As we walked to the care ready to head home, I mentioned to her about how Ita Carmen found it at her school, so Ita suggested Ada not wear the band in case who ever lost it  saw it & thought Ada had taken it. But Ada insisted she wanted to wear it. She liked the head band very much, & Ada is not the type of girl to wear hair accessories. She loves her hair free & messy, so I knew she had made her choice about the head band. It would stay on.

The next day I picked her up from school. We held hands walking to the care. I asked what she ate for lunch & if she had fun at school. She responded to my questions in her casual tone. She skips around, waves goodbye at friends, and then turns me & says, "The headband Ita found belonged to my friend. I gave it back to her & she was very happy that she got it back.: I smiled, both inside & out. My girl put others first. My girl made a decision & felt good about it. She adored the headband while she could but knew it belonged to someone she cared & she did the right thing. 

 As we got in the care, she fastened her seat belt & asked where we going as usual. And with that, Life goes on. 

amor de dias.

Something beautiful on the eyes & sweet to the ears on a chilly, wet, rainy Chicago night. 

Amor de Días - Late Mornings from Merge Records on Vimeo.

mexico.

My mama went to Mexico for 3 weeks & returned with many gifts from our family. I was very excited to see all the goodies she had for me & the family. I hope next time she goes, I can go along with her. It's been too long since I've enjoyed a trip to Mexico with my loved ones. 

I've wanted one of these spoons since I saw Emiliano's mom, Elia, cooking with one. I used mine today making fideo con zanahorias for the girls.

These are Ada's gift. She loves sandals & dresses. These will go with everything!

These are mine. I'm picky about shoes, but fell in love with these right away. They are a bit tight, but mama says I can wet them with water to stretch the leather & they'll be fine!

Amelie's sandals for the summer. Can't wait those chunky piggies in these.

We got many other beauties, like jewelry & an authentic molcajete & tejalote which we cured using coarse salt from Mexico & cloves of garlic.

(mini) road trip.

Taking public transportation in Chicago on Saturday was one time consuming trip. Emiliano, Amelie & I journeyed south to get our car from my father's CD store so we could head north to meet our great & always inspiring friend, Jesse. It took us two hours to get to our final destination, and we were one hour late meeting Jesse at Atlas Cafe! I felt so bad and kept apologizing. It's great when you see what wonderful friends you have when you ask for help in personal times of growth. And in the end, the (mini) road trip was worth it when we look back at the fun pictures we took. 

Motorcycles & riders covered the block on 18th & Throop. I'm not sure why but they later roared in unison down Ashland Ave & stopped all traffic, disobeying street lights.

Emiliano & Amelie are having a staring contest.

Amelie Sol is a silly, happy, & beautiful girl.

I love when my days are full & blessed with energy & good times.

valentine.

This was our Valentine's Day display for all the 18th street Pilsen neighborhood to look up at as they made their way about their day. I hope to have put a smile on someone's face. I know it did it on mine many a time.

weekend.

           I'm starting off this weekend right! I just found a post that my teacher, Johana Moscoso, posted on the Lillstreet Textiles Blog about, regarding the five week First-time Sewing Class I took, and she posted a picture of the bag I made for Emiliano. I gave it to him as a Valentine's present, and it's twice as special, not only because I made it but because it was the frist V-day gift I gave him.

It's a reversible bag, so here's one side...

 

& here's the other!

Thank you, Johana, for the knowledge & for the praise!

This weekend is also the Chicago Zine Fest, where my bff, Ruby, will be be showing off her much anticipated zine! I don't know the nameof it (what a friend),  but I will be out getting myself a copy & copies of other zines as well. We're making a day out of it with the siblings & family. Makes me feel lucky to have the family I have.

eilatan.com

I'm going to attempt to jog tomorrow morning. I got myself the Asics Onitsuka Tiger Serrano shoes in green. I don't think I'll achieve the goal to jog, but I want to start walking. This body has been receiving some love this year, with the chiropractor & some yoga.

what's on my mind.

This post will not include pictures today. It's more of an outpour that randomly comes out of me every once in a while. I find these moments to help me sort out my thoughts & feel more normal because I know I'm not the only thought feeling the way I do. From time to time, I wake up with no energy or motivation to start the day. Everything rubs me the wrong way & although I feel guilty about my attitude, I can't help it. I've come to realize I just have to let the moment be & pass through me, but unless I release the pressure building up inside me, I can't let things go. That's where the talking or writing, in this case, comes in. Anyone who takes the time to read this post I want to thank because I know it's better to read positive things than my worries. Gracias!

The constant lack of sleep I've been going through has put me on edge. I tell myself every night that I should be going to bed by ten the latest, but getting the girls on a routine is a struggle. I find myself always craving some ME time to read & work on something. Throughout the day, Emiliano & I don't have much to ourselves, so I like to spend time with him just talking about our days. I like to cuddle with him in the peacefulness of the end of a long day.

There are also internal frustrations eating at me. Most of them involve just making the time, but lately my time is consumed by my kids & chores. I'm currently working on simplifying our home to make it clutter-free. It's a battle though, when we have a family of untidies! We can be good for a day or even a week at the longest, but then the idea gets lost somewhere & we're back to where we started. Is this something that happens with having kids? I look at all those online decor images, & I'm jealous when I see their beautifully arranged rooms, full of unique toys & lots of color. Ada is at this age where her interests are not really to my liking & that all worries me. On one hand, I think it will all pass (I remember I liked things that I'm sure my parents didn't approve of but waited for me to grow out of), but then I don't want to hear my constant nagging & sense I disapprove who she is. I just don't want her to be consumed by the media being offered to girls these days. They want them to grow up so fast & like Justin Beiber singing about being inlove or Rihanna like whips & chains?! I know Ada doens't pay much attention to the lyrics, but I feel horrible hearing singing them. I don't want to be that careless parent. I hate the fact that I can't control everything that surrounds my daughter, but I would like to influence her to think outside the box & see there's much more beauty in the world than what is so easily offered to her by the media. Am I an obsessive parent?

I'm not sure what kind of parent Ada sees me as or if Amelie will see me differently. I just want to be a fun & understanding parent, passionate & giving, about the things I love & what I want for my family.

There are alot of other things on mind still, like money, creativity, my job, my health, and so on. I think I'll stop for now. I think each area in my life deserves its own post.

eco bohemia.

Eco Bohemia is nice. Very nice. Check it out. Here are some of my favorites...

I like to save images for inspiration. I can feel the wheels in my mind turning when I look at the bebe clothes & jewelry. It all makes me excited for spring. Time to tone these petite legs. :)

Check them out here.

vegetarian.

So far, this year I've accomplished several goals I've set for myself. I have slowly, but surely been dedicating some ME time for myself & organizing my priorities. The feeling that have come from making a list of specific objectives and fulfilling them to the max is great motivation. With every accomplishment I cross, another goal is added to the list. It's never-ending, but for the first time in a long time, I'm doing things I enjoy- things I only wished to be doing but never really set out to do. Blame fear & resentment with the unexpected turns life has taken me, but I feel like the creative teenager that I used to be is recovered. She's back better than ever & ready to learn!

(image from http://sherribrooksvinton.com/category/books/)

I just decided this week, to become a vegetarian. Well, more like a lacto-ovo vegetarian because I am eating eggs & milk, but they are organic. Since Sunday, I haven't touched any meat & I feel good about it. Many reasons have led me to decide this, one being knowing all the info concerning the meat industry & farming. I've been reading The Real Food Revival  by Sherri Brooks Vinton & am very motivated to eat nutritiously & awarely. I also want to incorporate more veggies & real food into my family & my diet. I'm not a super chef mom, but i'm trying to learn more about being as close to nature when it comes to what nourishes my body. Also, I have mentioned it to my family but am not forcing them to follow my ideas. Emiliano is willing to try & it's a battle trying to get Ada to eat healthy period. They both support me & more than anything, I want them to see me as an example that be eating healthy is fun & rewarding. I feel proud of myself on many levels, & I hope to be on this journey for as long as I can.

Emiliano & I have discussed mabe watching Food, Inc., but I've deicded I'd rather not. I don't think I can sit there & not cry, & I've been emotional lately.

A link I'm checking out:

• The Vegetarian Starter Guide from http://www.tryveg.com/.

compartir.

It's been a good week, full of good food & yummy treats, smiles, energy & lots of love! This has been my best valentine so far. I'd been anti-valentine for a while, but this year I had not only my chino as a valentine, but my two niñas preciosas!

It's been a productive February checking off things from my to do list...

~We've done a lot of fixing up at our new place. Ada finally got her twin bed & Amelie has been sleeping in her crib this whole week.

~My 5 week sewing class finished & I was able to give Emiliano a handmade present for Valentine's Day which I'm very proud of.

~I've paid off a lot of my debt & no longer have a credit card tempting me.

~We've made time for creativity at home. It's been nice to have no plans & just realx at home with my familia. Ada & I made an awesome Valentine window display with Ada's handwriting, paint & doilies. I want to stay on the windows forever. All 18th st. can see it of they only look up...

~Emiliano have made a pact to eat more healthy homemade meals. Now, I just gotta improve my cutting skills. That's on my list.

~I've written in my morning journal everyday, except on the weekends. Those days I snuggle in bed with my chino. I enjoy my time & just take it slow. :)

Feliz Dia del Amor & la Amistad. <3 

arcoiris de colores.

Ada wants to learn handwriting. Before bed last night, she sat on my bed doodling & asking about various cursive letters. In my opinion, she does pretty good for a seven year old. I'm looking to see what our Chicago Public Library has for teaching handwriting for kids.

I've been very sleep deprived this week due to Amelie's weaning off being breastfed at night. The change has been hard for the both of us. I miss her very much. I've cried with her out of frustration of not being able to soothe her. It's all for the best, though. I breastfed her a lot longer than I expected & am very proud of how natural & sacred it became for us.