This post will not include pictures today. It's more of an outpour that randomly comes out of me every once in a while. I find these moments to help me sort out my thoughts & feel more normal because I know I'm not the only thought feeling the way I do. From time to time, I wake up with no energy or motivation to start the day. Everything rubs me the wrong way & although I feel guilty about my attitude, I can't help it. I've come to realize I just have to let the moment be & pass through me, but unless I release the pressure building up inside me, I can't let things go. That's where the talking or writing, in this case, comes in. Anyone who takes the time to read this post I want to thank because I know it's better to read positive things than my worries. Gracias!
The constant lack of sleep I've been going through has put me on edge. I tell myself every night that I should be going to bed by ten the latest, but getting the girls on a routine is a struggle. I find myself always craving some ME time to read & work on something. Throughout the day, Emiliano & I don't have much to ourselves, so I like to spend time with him just talking about our days. I like to cuddle with him in the peacefulness of the end of a long day.
There are also internal frustrations eating at me. Most of them involve just making the time, but lately my time is consumed by my kids & chores. I'm currently working on simplifying our home to make it clutter-free. It's a battle though, when we have a family of untidies! We can be good for a day or even a week at the longest, but then the idea gets lost somewhere & we're back to where we started. Is this something that happens with having kids? I look at all those online decor images, & I'm jealous when I see their beautifully arranged rooms, full of unique toys & lots of color. Ada is at this age where her interests are not really to my liking & that all worries me. On one hand, I think it will all pass (I remember I liked things that I'm sure my parents didn't approve of but waited for me to grow out of), but then I don't want to hear my constant nagging & sense I disapprove who she is. I just don't want her to be consumed by the media being offered to girls these days. They want them to grow up so fast & like Justin Beiber singing about being inlove or Rihanna like whips & chains?! I know Ada doens't pay much attention to the lyrics, but I feel horrible hearing singing them. I don't want to be that careless parent. I hate the fact that I can't control everything that surrounds my daughter, but I would like to influence her to think outside the box & see there's much more beauty in the world than what is so easily offered to her by the media. Am I an obsessive parent?
I'm not sure what kind of parent Ada sees me as or if Amelie will see me differently. I just want to be a fun & understanding parent, passionate & giving, about the things I love & what I want for my family.
There are alot of other things on mind still, like money, creativity, my job, my health, and so on. I think I'll stop for now. I think each area in my life deserves its own post.
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